Managing Parental Stress during the Transition to College
One of the things that distinguishes Focus Collegiate is how we interact with and support our parents. We understand that the transition to college affects the whole family. Acceptance, comparison, competition are all at play. Pressure, unmet expectations, indecision, and fear can cause students and their parents to behave in ways that don’t reflect their best intentions. As parents, you are called upon to rise to the occasion and set the tone.
The college application process can be stressful for everyone. Modeling is a great way to support a positive experience. “If you’re freaking out, they’re freaking out,” says Focus Collegiate Enrollment and Outreach Director, Ann-Marie Stripling. “This is the time for you to model wellness and positivity, so your students don’t see the college application process as overwhelming and negative. Try to model the things your student needs to be doing to stay stable and clear headed…It is fine to acknowledge that the transition is stressful,” says Ann-Mare, “But remind them that ‘We’re going to get through it!’”
A calm, supportive approach can help your child feel more empowered and capable, which can make the entire application process smoother for both of you. Here are some tips to help parents stay calm and supportive:
Set Achievable Goals: Help your child set realistic and reasonable goals. Let them take the lead with some guidance from you, instead of the other way around.
Help Them Plan, But Don’t Do It for Them:
Encourage your child to make a plan that breaks down the steps into manageable tasks. Ask them if they want help prioritizing and meeting deadlines rather than handling the work for them.
Celebrate the Small Wins:
Acknowledge each step your child completes. Celebrating progress can bring a positive energy to the process and relieve some of the pressure for the whole family.
Listen well:
Focus on your child’s emotions and listen to them. Try to reflect what you hear to get an accurate picture of what your child is expressing.
Set Realistic Expectations:
Be clear that you value your child’s effort over the specific outcome. Encourage them to aim high but reassure them that there are many paths to success. This approach can alleviate pressure for both of you.
Practice letting go:
Your role is changing. You are not going to college, your student is. Give your student the opportunity to make decisions daily on their own with less prompting from you. This will help to empower them and allow you to become more like an advisor to your student.
Take Care of Yourself:
Focus on your own well-being, spend time with friends, keep your hobbies alive. Eat well, rest well, have some fun. Encourage your student to join you in this pursuit. All work and no play can make the college application process overwhelming. Finding balance will inspire peace of mind.
Be Mindful:
Mindfulness involves paying attention to the present moment.
Limit College Application Talk:
Schedule specific times to talk about college applications so it does not take over your lives. Such boundaries can make interactions about the process more intentional.
Trust the Process:
You are in the natural process of individuation. It takes time. Things may not go exactly as planned, but your student will likely end up where they belong. Adopting this mindset can help you find calm and resilience.
Learn more about the support we provide our parents here.